I felt insensitive that all of the sudden my fiance said , you pressured me!

I felt insensitive that all of the sudden my fiance said , you pressured me!

I have so many dreams and since I felt that my fiance could earn much than I do.

I felt that he is the key to all my dreams in life. Sometimes, when we talk about car, I use to tell him you buy me

a car. When I saw some houses for sale or lot for sale, I used to tell him you buy me a house.

Our wedding is coming so soon and with all the expenses it will be shouldered by him.

I was chatting with my sister and she told me that she was looking a lot for sale.
I was so excited telling my boyfriend that the lot was so cheap and with no mean I uttered if we can make reservations but what I was typing was, "is it still available next year"? I sarcastically argued with him, when he reacted having heard about the reservation. I was disturbed when he said  " you pressured me!" Just marry a millionaire. 

You did not understand me. These words kept on running into my memory. 

I kept silent and talked to myself. I  may be wrong. I cannot even give an amount to our wedding celebration. Our wedding day is yet to come and I am talking about many expenses. Car, house and others. I understand him at this point. I maybe just so insensitive.

I listened to myself and a voice said "you know what? It is not good to rely on your dreams, needs or  wants to others. You should be the one to make it happen. You work for it and make it into reality. I decided then that from now on, I need to watch my mouth about material things and what I really want. Because, I do not want to add pressure to my fiance. I will make some diaries of the things I want to achieve and I will do my very best to make in happen not relying on others, hopefully.

What will I do? I want my crush to notice me?!!

I was having a tutor with a 12 year Old girl. I was laughing when she told me so eagerly.
"Teacher, I need some advice. I want my crush to notice me. What will I do? "

At the back of my mind what is the right thing to advice with a 12 year Old girl wanted her crush to notice her? Since she is too young, I said, crush is ok but boyfriend?! Wait until you graduate college ok? I told her the following:
1.Make your self beautiful.
2.You must learn how to tie your hair.
3.You must learn how to become responsible
4. Do good on your studies.
5.Nurture your talents, explore them. You are good in reading so use them, like you make your own book or join your school writers organization.

I said " Do not do this for him, but do this for your self" because if you will fail you will not be hurt.

I let her talk and talk about her crush. I believe that it is relief of  emotions when she has a listener about her feelings. This age is very critical, they do not know yet the consequences once they cannot handle a relationship. They might be tempted into things which is too early for them to do. In this stage I believe she needs guidance to put her actions in a descent way. That's why I do not tel her about flirting things It may not be good to her. She may not be able to handle them correctly.

In his time he makes all things beautiful

I was searching for a praise song in the youtube and I found this one very interesting to me.
I was very amazed with how the music was played and how the video was created.
The video was very nice and conveys a very deep and inspiring meaning.

The blooming of the flowers that made it more beautiful and happy relates to our lives.
 Sometimes we kept on asking and waiting for our victory and blessings from the Lord.
Sometimes prayers were answered as fast as we wanted it to.
Like these flowers,
In and the Song " In his Time" , we will bloom freely and abundantly.
 We just have to be patient..like these flowers that gradually opened its'  beauty to the world
and when it finally opened it looks very happy and abundantly that no one could  stop it
from blooming then it gives joy to others.

Like the Song In his Time and This Video my hopes are High that In his Time He makes all things beautiful to me and to others too.



I am praying for alot of things to the LORD, abundance, justice and the reality of my dreams.
I hold on to my Faith in Him that in his time I will be like these flowers. 

I would like to thank the author of this video for sharing your talents and inspiring us.

Listening Praise Songs relaxes me from a being busy at work.

I love collecting praise songs from youtube.  

I upload them to my PC and when  I feel I am exhausted and empty

I just listen to them all over again.

Listening to praise songs from a work refreshes my mind and renew my faith to God.

It gives me more courage and perseverance to work with integrity and honesty.

Praise songs comfort me when I'm alone.

It is my way of talking to GOd and praying to Him.

Listening to these songs is my way of telling Him that I need Him all days my life.

I cannot be productive in my job with out Him.

I acknowledge  Him as my guide and strength for with out him I am nothing.

And I declare that with Him I am somebody.

Praise songs make refreshes my soul and give me peace of mind

It increases my faith that there is nothing to worry for today and tomorrow

because God is in charge of me.

 My duty is to do the best in every good thing I do and trust my days with HIm.

My belly gets bigger A week before my mestraution

I worry about my belly it gets bigger that usual a week before my menstruation day.
My belly gets smaller and goes back to normal at the day of  of my menstruation .
I ask my friends if they experience the same way as I do. I was happy when they said yes.
May be it's just normal.

.

Wedding Colors

The wedding ring

My ideal wedding ring is simple and not too expensive. I want the ring will not cause me so much worry if incase we lost them becuase  of the price. I just want a plain ring with my name and my husband's name on it.

I miss my boyfriend

 I opened up my door and my room was very silent. I saw my boyfriend's jersey. My tears kept falling because I miss him so bad. I let my tears fall for awhile and hugged his shirt. I tried to convince  myself to think of doing something  and   divert my emotions. I wash my underwears and clean up my room. I took a half bath while waiting for my boyfriend's phone call from Thailand. My boyfriend did not call me yet. I turned on my laptop and send him an email to call me tomorrow,Then I opened up my blogs and release my emotions.

I admire how Manny Paquio prays inside the ring

He starts  it with a prayer and end with a prayer.  He diligently, does these every game. Even when he was not yet popular in boxing. Despite of his success when he prays it shows that he was surrendering everything to GOD. Despite of his strength it shows that he doesn't  know what will happen in the game but giving his best. He put God in charge. Aside from his hard work and being so humble, his faith to Lord makes him successful.

Thinking deeply about his actions give me another lesson to ponder. To do our very best in our game, business, school and everything that we do. Our strength and knowledge or money is not enough. We need God from the start and in everything that we do. We should ask his guidance, praise and thank Him every time.

May the actions of Manny Pacquio in the ring gave us lesson that God is essential to our lives.             

shi--ken, shi--ken..yum, yum...

I rode with the Jeepney. I hear a kid saying  "shi--ken, shi--ken..yum, yum...!" I saw a man holding a rooster chicken. The kid was referring to the rooster. It made me smile. How the kids loves chicken.

MY ADIDAS SHIRT IS ALMOST 11 YEARS OLD?!!!

Checking out my shirts and selecting what  to wear this evening. I took my favorite shirt. The Adidas shirt I got from my father,  whom he got from my brother. These were my brothers sponsored clothing from Adidas during his Philippine tennis team years. 

Suddenly, I remember! OWW!! This shirt?! and,  I took the other one whom I wore last night. Looking at them, I was wondering with a smile. How long have I been using these?!
 When I graduated college last 2006, I brought these shirts with me.I wanted  to wear them at night. I feel comfortable wearing these shirts  "though my father was using these as his tennis shirt". 

I counted the years. My brother  was a member of the  Philippine tennis team from year 1999-2002.

 If  he gave those at the  year 2001 then.... 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 and now 2011?!!! OW!!!1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11? HUH?!! EL---EVEN years old and more!?  Even now I'm still using them?   


Haha.. these shirts were amazing. I cannot even see a single cut on them. No wonder Adidas is worth the price. They can live up to  10 years or more. Hmmmm... when I go home, let me check if my father has 
10-11 years old ADIDAS shirt or jackets.

Hot Summer

 My job has a dress code. We need to wear long pants with blouse or long sleeves or ¾ sleeves blouse or shirts with collar and close shoes. But summer is usually hot and even more hot this year than last few years!!  Confused what to wear to make myself comfortable and presentable at work.  I think, I need to follow my friends advice I will wear jeans and a polo shirt in light colors like white, pink and natural color.  Wear my doll shoes and tie my hair all over.

I want to go shop with my friend and buy few polo shirts. I need to choose a cheaper price but presentable that will help me look good. My eyebrows meet each other and my sweat overflows? This will not matter because wearing clothes that will make me comfortable will help my day feel beautiful and be effective at work.

Recovering from the death of a Dear Loved One

My brother died at an early age of 28. He died from a gunshot wound at the head. His lost brought sorrow to the whole family. He was the eldest and the only son. He was really a good man generous, loving, sweet, gentle and kind.

Having lost a dear bother and a son like him was very painful. There were several times that we thought of him and how to gain justice.  It was even more painful remembering how he was put into death by the persons whom we suspect very close to him and whom he loved so much.

How do we accept his lost?

God and our faith i the key to everything and his good purpose of allowing him to die.

We think of the positive side of his lost.   We answered our own question “Why God allowed it to happen? We answered it like this- maybe God wants our brother to stop feeling the pain and loneliness by bringing him in his kingdom. God wants to give him peace which my brother has always been hoping, for two years of his life before he died. Maybe his purpose in this world is already accomplished.

We think of how he leaved his life?

He leaved his life to the fullest. As if every day was last. He said I love you to the ones he loved. He fought his love even up to the last breath. His love was not selfish. He was very humble and kind.

He faced his trials with God and values. He tried to be a good man and fought temptations even he had nothing.  I remember when he shared the video of Nick Vuljicik , he was amazed of how this man stays happy even without hands and feet. Each word that nick said really stock into his mind and heart that gives him courage to face and fight his trails in life. The song “The climb” was also one of his favourite. He was able to relate the lyrics of the song into how he faced his life and wanted to reach his dreams before he died.

Before he died?

He was able to say thank you and asked forgiveness to whom he thought he had hurt.

He was able to pray and was very happy without any doubts and limitation to show his goodness to those who planned to kill him.

These are the things that give us strength to face our lives without our dear brother. We decided to accept his lost and heal the pain.When we think of how he lived his life, it gives us confidence somehow. That he is worthy to face the LORD. Having lost a dear love one was very painful.

Healing and Acceptance

 Healing and acceptance needed faith and positive outlook about what had happened. It took time to heal and it was a choice to accept a lost .When you are ready to learn how to accept.  It would be a wonderful step through recovery. Learning process needs prayer and somebody. That somebody could be a Pastor or a Priest that could help you spiritually and help dig in and go through the answers of your entire question to God.  Families comfort and uplifting words could give strength.

In times of grief we need to open our hearts and mind because it will help us to understand and accept everything.  The heart of acceptance is GOD and our cooperation.  It is through him that we learn to understand and stay happy even in the middle of sorrow. Acceptance does not happen in a wink of an eye but simultaneously but you will be successful if you are willing to surrender everything to God.

How do my superior solve problem at work ?-Problem solving or gossip?

What I do not like about my superior was, when at times I had errors in my job. She didn't really confront me and investigated the matter thoroughly. She didn't usually go over to the process but look at the problem as caused by me subjectively.  With this kind of problem solving approach it didn't   help me. Sometimes I wanted to give up, mostly at times when she talked to the manager talking all about my weaknesses at work. The fact was, she did not look at the process yet , nor corrected me then tell me that I had done wrong or my process should be this and that. It seems they were creating a gossip which was not at all helpful to the job I do. Without letting me know, she kept on pushing my name that caused the error, in their private conversation with the manager. It tightened my nerves to anger for a while.

 I believe a good and professional superior should have good ownership skills. Meaning, if the subordinate had done errors in the job, she must take it as her responsibility. Because, she should know how I had gone through my job. If she thought I had done something wrong in my job, she should confront me first.  The matter should not reach to the manager unless the case is unhandled by her.

How do I handle this? I handle this positively with prayers. I still submit myself to her but I do not give all my trust to her.  I put in mind that I must not rely on her I should do all the best in my job.

I investigate all by myself.

1. Why have I done wrong?

2. Go thoroughly to the process and if there is something wrong with my process.

3. I think of a more helpful process for the problem not to re-occur.

In a manufacturing firm it is very difficult to solve a problem subjectively.

Process should be investigated thoroughly and be standardized so that whoever will take the position, problem will be minimized.

.

Finally I finished the Poem I wrote for my brother

I wrote a poem for my bother who passed away.
and I posted it in the blogs where I posted all about him.
this is the link
http://pop19sabandon.blogspot.com/2011/04/he-was-our-ideal-man-he-was-our-baby.html#links

Writing a poem needs love and compassion,
to be able to put our thoughts into words.
It needs experiences of pain and happiness to be able to create ideas that will come from our hearts

I am not a professional writer but i really love to write,
I write any topics that would fit to my interest  about love,
career, God and my daily experiences.

I write all my ideas and just put the words that i easily understand.
I write and write what's in my thoughts, then
I edit the words, change some words that will make some rhythm
in the lines or stanzas of the poem.

Example from the 3rd stanza of the poem, I rhyme
the lines below;

We tried to seized his sorrows behind

and showed our smiles and smeared our tears behind.

Originally it is ;
We tried to take his sadness behind
and showed our smiles and hide our tears from him.

To put some rhyme I change the word take to seized and sadness to sorrows
and hide in the second line to smeared.


I want to use simple English so that everybody could easily comprehend .

After how many writings finally I can say that,
I have developed my skills into writing and
somehow was able to  make a nice piece.

Write and write....

Composing a song

Composing a song maybe difficult for others but to the person who is in love, 

it is difficult but worth a perseverance to make one.

 Gifts like chocolate, cards and flowers are most common gift we give to the 

person we love but a song as a  gift is very rare. 

To compose a song needs perseverance and confidence.

It needs courage and positive outlook for the output.

It needs compassion and love to go through with the lyrics and melody.

Take a look and listen to this song that my sister once make for her boyfriend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrQEYLbGFrc&feature=related

beef randang..

Having my dinner, with rice and Beef Randang.

I miss this Beef Randang the best delicacy of Maranaos.

Maranaos' are the Muslim People, living around the lake Lanao of  Philippine Archipelago.

The place is called Marawi City where I came from. 

Beef  Randang is made up of  beef and coconut milk.

It's hot and spicy taste gives delicious taste and wants you to eat more.

This is the food that everybody from this place and from other provinces who once

a stayed in Mindanao State University, Marawi City is looking for.

That's why even I leave miles away from Marawi now, my mother send this food for me and my sister,

because this is the food that we are looking for every time we go back home.

I love beef Randang 

Madachal: my 1st 15 days Pay check!!

Madachal: my 1st 15 days Pay check!!

Madachal: my 1st 15 days Pay check!!

Madachal: my 1st 15 days Pay check!!

my 1st 15 days Pay check!!

How do i manage my salary?
I prioritized things..
What are my priorities? those things that i need.
What are my needs then?
I need a house------------- so i need to set aside an amount for my rental.
I need food and my fare going to work----------i need to set aside an amount for my 15 days meal and fare.
Do I still have something left? Yes but not that much,
so i need to pay the shirt i loaned.
Do i still have something left? Yes, but not that much as I expected.
So.. I need to save just a very small amount and treat myself for a dinner in
a restaurant i want, not so expensive but affordable and will make me full.

My next budget plan is for my 2nd 15th Pay check..

Sometimes no matter how much hard work I give,
receiving  the pay check seems frustrating,
but to compromise everything I need to prioritize things between what I need and what my wants are, from there I can make my budget plan.


I'm tired about complaining my salary,
what i can do is to be happy, for i still have something to receive every 15 days that will 
keep me going.

Go Higher In Prayer

Go Higher In Prayer,

Sometimes, when prayers are un answered the soonest time we expect it to be, we give up praying, but this story really is full of hope that our prayers will be answered as long as we pray, pray and pray..and believe. I have been praying for almost every nights for  a very special intention, but sometimes i feel tired when i see no answer. Yet, sometimes my faith helps me to keep in praying for my request. By reading this i want to pursue my praying habit every day.. I hope i will persevere. 

Chocolate from Thailand the best chocolate I've ever tasted

My boyfriend  gave me a bunch of chocolate from Thailand. This is the best chocolate I've ever tasted. Not so sweet and a bit bitter. I love it. It taste yummy...different from the chocolate that we ever tasted. In one box there are pcs of chocolate with the same shapes.

Me, my sister and my friends have the same comment eating them " wow, Different from any other chocolate I've ever tasted".

You can buy them in 1 set consist of 6 boxes and in each box their are 15 pieces yummy and tinny chocolates. Each box has it's unique sets of shape. Shapes that will describe the country Thailand.
One set cost almost 40$ - 50$.

Shapes like Elephant, flower and the tuktuk. Elephant is the animal popularly known in Thailand. The flower  describes the chocolate made up of orchid this is more bitter but sweet than all the other chocolates in a set. The tuktuk shape represents the mode of  transportation of Thailand before.

If you want white chocolate you can have the elephant shape sweeter than other chocolate. All others are dark chocolates all the shapes taste really good.

Once you taste them you can't stop looking for another one.. this is good for your families at home when
you visit the land of  the unconquered Thailand.